Understanding meltdowns and tantrums
- According to The Whole Brain-Child, we have a left (logical) and right (emotional) side of our brain. When a kid is emotional (e.g. "I don't want to go to school!", replying to them rationally (which is how we adults usually think) will make things worse (e.g. “everyone goes to school”). A possible solution is to connect emotionally first and then redirect them to what we want them to do.
- The book also suggests there are manipulative tantrums and emotional tantrums. The former requires boundaries and consequences while the latter requires connections.
- According to The Baby Whisperer, when we get frustrated, our kids feel like they are in control and they like when we are so high-energy and engaged. Being calm and boring can help prevent that.
- Kids seem to hate transitions. He likes showering but not going to shower; he loves school but not going to school. I'm still figuring out what to do about this.
- He melted down when he wanted his penguin cup, which I had threw away many weeks ago because it cracked. In hindsight, while it was just a cup to me, it probably meant a lot to him. Even though he hadn’t been using it, he remembered it. I think it was reasonable for him to be upset (and I told him so and apologized!)
- For now, I have avoided caning because I grew up caned, I didn't find it useful for teaching me anything, and I don't like it. 己所不欲，勿施於人. The exception might be if they do something severe enough to warrant a punishment.